Well. It looks as if I returned to writing once more. It’s been a while…at least for public writing. It’s 11 pm on a Monday night and I find myself unable to sleep. I guess I really just have a lot of thoughts on my mind, and a great many of these are things that I don’t mind sharing with the Internet.
If you haven’t heard by now, I’m out of school. I graduated from Cedarville University in August with my Bachelor’s of Art in Digital Media. It was a long and arduous road, but I finally was able to scrape by and finally get my degree.
Even though I’m happy with this accomplishment, there are a few issues that I’ve run into post-grad. Going to a private college, I was really stupid and paid most of my schooling through private school loans. Sure, I was able to get a few scholarships, but I graduated with over $160k in loans to pay back. I wasn’t able to get myself a job in my field post-grad, but I’m working 2 jobs currently and barely making all my payments on time. It’s a real struggle, but that’s what I get when I fall back on the job I have had since my sophomore year of high school.
I was able to get a job at a local cable company filming local sports games, though. It’s more of my expertise and I have been able to keep in practice some of the things I learned while in college. It pays better than my part-time job, but it isn’t very consistent. I realize media jobs aren’t that consistent to begin with, but I’m struggling. It doesn’t help that one of the directors is only there because he likes sports and his mother is his boss. He doesn’t care about the film side of it, which honestly bugs me. I’ve spent 4-6 years of my life to work under some guy who is doing the EXACT SAME THING but is only doing it for a little extra cash.
I guess I fear for the future, although I feel like I shouldn’t. I live at home with my parents and am almost 25 years old. I’m not financially independent, I have hardly any friends aside from a few that I chat with online, and I have started finding myself in minor bouts of depression because of the bleakness of my present. Every time I try to do something to improve on it, it seems to backfire and I get more depressed.
I’ve tried to get my YouTube channel running again, my computer starts lagging to the point I can’t edit.
I’ve tried getting back into acting again, but the last time I got a role offered to me, I had to turn it down for another job I had to do. Money is more important, you know.
I’ve just recently spent some money buying myself a DSLR camera. I’m going to try and start being creative once again. Eventually, I would like to build myself a new computer so I can start delving harder back into the realm of video and do something again. I’m also going to have to look for another job to be able to make all of my loan payments on time. That or win the Powerball Jackpot.
I don’t usually like to rant publicly, but sometimes I feel that it’s oddly therapeutic to put it out there. Let people inside my mind every once in a while.
I want to start writing again. It takes up a small amount of RAM on my PC and I can even do it from my phone if I wanted. So I think I might be starting to do this regularly. It might be 1-2x a week, or it may be more. It’ll keep my mind off of other things and hopefully get me focused back onto the job at hand.
Thanks for listening to me ramble. I know that not all is lost, and I know that eventually things will get better. However, it’s really difficult to see that sometimes.
It’s just going to take some time.
In the meanwhile, I’m going to think on the things that have happened in the last year. I’ll probably write about it soon, but for now, I’m going to sleep. The Video Games Live Concert I’m listening to has calmed me to a point where I can sleep. Definitely grateful for the calming factor of music.